You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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