there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
