Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
