he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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