what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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