the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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