I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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