dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
