i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
