he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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