We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
