I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
