Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
