possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
