belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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