I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize