Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
