Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
