only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
