he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
