you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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