So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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