This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
