Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They took my balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
