You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
