happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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