No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
