I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
