I cut my penus on the lid.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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