Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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