so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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