they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
