saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
