Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
