quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
