ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
