Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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