Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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