I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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