One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
