I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
