If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
