did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
