i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
