I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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