i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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