You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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