I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
