this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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