Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my poor anus
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
