I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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