Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
