her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
