I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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