hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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