from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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