My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
