if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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