I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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