After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
