Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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