Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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