hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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