What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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