I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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