Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
