but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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