i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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